TrueHeartWork | It must have been love
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It must have been love

It must have been love

Sooner or later we encounter the bully boss,conniving colleague, abusive lover, controlling sibling or friend. Our relationships can be fonts of deep joy and growth; mirrors of our dis-owned shadow, as well as sharp shards of glass that make us bleed, and leave.

For five years now, Jenny and Ron have been locked in an abusive relationship. They fling criticism and blame at one another like poison arrows. Their marriage is a battlefield and they, the walking wounded.

It feels familiar on an unconscious level, to repeat family patterns. We glue ourselves firmly into unhappy relationships, because the reptile brain wants to keep things as they are. So an abused child may cling to the abusive parent, a battered wife may open the door that one last time.  In chronic stress, we mistake the familiar for love. We abuse ourselves by not acting in our truth or our integrity. We deceive ourselves – we cannot make it alone, we will not survive financially, we  will fail. Often the more painful a relationship is, the harder it is to walk away, even though it poisons us and stunts our growth.  Instead, we circle each other like snarling tigers, or dim our Light, become invisible.  In our stress response, adrenaline pumps through our bloodstream, devastating our body.

The drama triangle is a much-cited psychological model. Every painful emotional drama in our lives emanates from this triangle, so the theory goes.  Most of us unconsciously choose to re-enact childhood dramas, and replicate a template of neglect, criticism, martyrdom, insecurity and fear – the neurochemistry of pain. So, if you are locked in a power game of attack and defence (two people can play a role in this triangle) you might be playing either one of these roles: Persecutor, Rescuer, or Victim. We all have these inner voices. The Persecutor is the critical parent; the Rescuer is the over-responsible parent, and the Victim is the powerless little child.

Venus, planet signifying our relationships, is in Virgo, with the Sun and the New Moon (August 29th) suggesting that we go within, look at areas in our lives where we are out of integrity. Where do we deceive ourselves, make ourselves right, the other person “wrong”, deny our instincts and the signals from our bodies?  Only we can change the dance of destruction in our homes or offices. We can walk away, or we can choose to begin to learn the steps of a new dance this new Virgo Moon. The counterpoint to Virgo is Pisces, which can hold the energy of Victim, Martyr, and the sacrificial one.  Use the energy of Virgo –  self-containment, essential right mindedness, and purity. She is Goddess, honouring all living things – and Herself. 

Human beings are infinitely complex, mysterious and defy labels. Einstein is often quoted as saying that you cannot solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it. So as we make a decision to shift from fear-based, battle mentality, to a new expanded awareness, we can today embrace a creative solution that opens up the possibility of respectful, loving relationships.

It must have been love, but it’s over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it’s over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out.  Roxette

 

Ingrid Hoffman

ingrid@trueheartwork.com
1 Comment
  • Beverley

    August 31, 2011 at 7:12 am Reply

    The new Virgo moon just what the soul needed to hear!…this particular extract from the lyrics by Bread
    is for you dear Ingrid

    And you can tell everybody this is your song
    It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
    I hope you don’t mind

    I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
    How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

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